[Keith & Johnny having dinner in some incredibly expensive hotel suite so that they can smoke while they drink their dinner. They're talking about me.]

Keith: "I estimate that she's still got about 35 bucks left; what can we do to get her to give that to us, too?"

Johnny: "Hmmm. What to do, what to do..."

[Smoke, smoke. Drink, drink. Smoke, smoke. Drink, drink.]

Keith: "Hmmm."

Johnny: "Hmmm."

Keith (startling Johnny with his sudden exuberance): "Oh, wait, I know!"

Johnny (grabbing his drink because he's almost knocked it over): "What?"

Keith: "I'll read my memoir into a tape recorder, and you read some of it, too, then we'll charge $34.98 for it and --bingo -- she gives us that last 35..."

Johnny (skeptical that it could really be this easy): "But she's already bought the book. She's voraciously reading it while sitting in her easy chair down in that family room, oblivious to all the pandemonium going on around her, etc., etc."

Keith: "Yeah, I know, so?"

Johnny: "Well, I mean, she paid 30 bucks for that. Reading it out loud is still the exact same book, just out loud."

Keith: "Trust me, I've known this chick since she was eleven and she has always done everything she could possibly do or think of or steal in order to make sure that I at all times had all of her money."

Johnny (wondering that if this is indeed true, then how on earth did he become such a rich movie star?): "Really? She gave you all her money?"

Keith: "Yeah, man. I'm telling you -- this chick is unreal; it's been going on like this since she was eleven. How the hell do you think I can afford this suite?"

Johnny: "This is my suite."

Keith: "Well, anyway, I have one exactly like it."

Yes, I have it on pre-order at Amazon, gang...

Johnny Depp Narrates Keith Richards’ Audiobook