My utility bills are astronomical, gang. I mean that in the truest sense of the word. What it costs to heat and AC my home is ridiculous. My home is 53 years old and pretty much ALL its insulation is just gone. However, b/c of that, I wound up qualifying for a lot of amazing free stuff to weatherize my house and make it more energy efficient all the way around.

The most recent free thing the government did was come out and replace ALL my light bulbs with those mercury bulbs. I don't really like mercury bulbs b/c of, well, the mercury in them. But I was assured I would save a ton of money on my staggering electric bill by making this change. So. Now I have a ton of mercury bulbs all over my house. But you know what? Man, those mercury bulbs are really fucking bright. Now I can see everything -- absolutely everything. Things I never, ever wanted to see before. If you live in an older, mostly-wood home, then you know what I mean!

So this led to my cleaning the house the other day from top to bottom, which in turn led to a lot of little spiders -- all shapes, colors & sizes -- to now be on the move, scouting out new homes within my home. Everywhere I look now, when the lights are on, I pretty much see some kind of spider all pissed off at me and scurrying away b/c I swept up his home. ("I had it made in the shade, lady -- living the life of Riley, I was. Now all this insanity. All this brightness crap. I sure hope you're happy now with all your freakin' mercury bulbs & all that dough you're rolling around in..." grumble, grumble, grumble.)

I don't really have any huge spiders. Huge spiders scare the shit out of me, just as they would do to any other bonnie lady who sort of had her wits about her. In fact, the other evening, while I was enjoying both a cocktail and a William Powell movie, as the sun was starting to go down and I was just generally in Blissville -- yes, I saw something on the wall over by the Norman Rockwell plates (yes! I not only have corny stuff like that, I proudly display it on my walls!). The thing was black and it was moving. So I went to get a closer look and, crap, it was one of those really big hairy jumping spiders who always act like they've had way too many cigarettes and double espressos. They really are jumpy. And if you get too close to them, they jump right up at you. And you scream. (Even manly men scream.) So I've learned the hard way to give them plenty of space -- especially the big ones. And this one was a big one. So, begrudgingly but very quickly, I turned off William Powell, grabbed my cocktail and scooted out of the room.

I think he's found himself a new home, though, and settled back in. I'm not sure where, but I don't care; out of sight, out of mind, you know?




Next on the list of energy saving stuff the government is giving to me absolutely FREE: A brand new Energy Star Frigidaire refrigerator!! It arrives next Wednesday. (I kid you not, gang. All this stuff I'm getting is totally free. Somehow, somewhere along the line, my life got fucking incredible!)

Okey-dokey! Thanks for visiting, gang! Have a great Thursday, wherever you are!! Fight the good fight and remember: don't squash the "little guys"! We're all miracles! See ya.