gratitude and prayer (however it is you personally pray), and about great thoughts of spring and all that re-birth stuff. Okay, yes, it's a litttle bit about the Guinness and the Darby O'Gill and the corned beef, etc. But for me, I celebrate those things b/c I have so many incredibly happy memories of the people I passed so many St. Paddy's Days with in New York. And yes that involved a lot of drinking and sometimes drugs and all "the usual suspects" among us acting out in their usual anti-social ways and the rest of us loving them anyway. In short: insanity.

So many from that old crowd are dead now, which is really bittersweet for me. I can't even say "sad"; it was too overwhelming to be simply sad. AIDS took almost all of them: bing, bang, boom. Sometimes it feels as if Valerie and I are the only two left standing. Our crowd was primarily  GLB (gay/lesbian/bisexual -- no trannies among our crowd back then) -- and to be fair, I think I was the only B in the crowd. And I would have happily swung over to the L group and stayed there eternally if a certain really tall someone had been willing to commit. But she wasn't, for whatever complicated reasons, and that's okay. We have remained incredibly close friends through it all. But I wound up back as a B in a world of mostly men. And god knows, I have known & loved some truly incredible men. I don't regret it. I love men. They are my raison d'etre. I simply wonder sometimes, "what if...", but then doesn't everybody?

So for me, St. Patrick's Day is really about thanking God for my friends. They are my anchors, you know? They help me survive my own insanity. I have another long-time friend who has referred to me as a sociopath, which I suppose is true, on some level. I don't like to leave my house unless I am absolutely forced to. I am more comfortable interracting with animals and flowers & trees, or with photographs of people rather than with actual people. And to have to go out in the madness of living and "be normal" takes a whole lot out of me and always has. I don't even like to take my walks when too many people are already out of bed, joining the world and making it noisy.

But I have been blessed to have friends who understand that and who tolerate it and who make my life a real joyful place b/c of their tolerance of me. And for that handful of people, I am truly, truly grateful -- every day of the week. But St. Paddy's Day gives me an excuse to focus on it more and just be happy and rejoice a little bit in my memories, you know? Plus, on its heels always comes the incredible joy of spring!!

Only the people who know me really well, know that my middle name is not actually Jaye -- it's Joy. (Well, okay, I guess now you all know! ha ha) But for some reason, I have always wanted to keep that part of my real name private -- the private joy I feel in not only being alive but in surviving, creating, giving, & receiving. But today, for whatever reason, my joy is absolutely ten-fold and so I  feel like taking claim to the fact that "joy is my middle name!" Yippi ki yi yay.

On that happy note, yes, I'm going to go out among the living and do my 3 miles! It's an incredibly gorgeous day here today, gang, if still a little bit on the frosty side. But it's still early. It's going to get better and better as the day goes on. Thanks for visiting, gang! Today, I'll be thinking of you, praying for you, feeling blessed b/c of you, and hoping we'll meet again in the flesh, down the road a-piece! See ya in the funny papers. Oh, and: Ireland Forever!! Yay!


Ireland Forever!!