For the past several weeks, I've been focused on two concepts. One is the idea of "time affluence." I am one of those people who always feels as if there are not enough hours in a day to get all my projects done, even though I usually get out of bed somewhere between 5 and 6 every morning and "get started."

I'm also one of those writers who labors over every word. Not just: is it the right word, but is it the right rhythm, as well? For me, writing is all about rhythm -- the words have to fit the rhythm in my head or a sentence rings false for me. (Which is maybe why I started out as a songwriter.) A case in point, the other morning I had so many things battling for my attention and I was trying to get some editing done on Freak Parade. After an hour and a half of editing, I had to set it aside and tend to something else and I realized I had spent the entire hour and a half editing one single page. I was really happy with the one single page, but still. No wonder this is taking me forever. So I keep thinking, if I could just clear my plate of everything else under the sun, I could get this editing done already.

But life isn't like that, is it, gang? And so the idea of time affluence has appealed to me -- get a better understanding of just how limitless time is, and how elastic & nonlinear it is, and how responsive time is to the definitions we choose to give it. So I've been trying to train myself to always tell myself: "there's plenty of time" and I try to remind myself to take a deep breath at "the same time."

It works. I am suddenly discovering just these huge pockets of TIME in my day. And I'm less stressed b/c I'm remembering to breathe.

The other concept I've been focusing on is, you know, instead of "dying a little every day" I would like to give birth to more and more of myself every day. Bring more of myself from my Source into my physical realm. Add it to who I already am; expand spiritually, psychologically (hopefully not physically -- ha ha). I find this concept really just so liberating and fascinating but I get a little cerebral about stuff and so I get kind of balled-up in "how". How do I give birth to more of myself? How do I add to myself by getting to where God is and bringing more of myself out to the "now"?

Naturally, I was up at 5 AM this morning. I had my breakfast. I studied a little Nietzsche and Thus Spake Zarathustra. And then I did some cooking and I pondered the nature of my existence; the alleged natures of birth and death. I realized that on this day, 29 years ago, I had a much- and- often-regretted abortion when I was absolutely dirt-poor and trying to survive in New York City and caught up with some scary hit man in organized crime. And the thought that this had come back to me while I was pondering the ideas of birth and death, rattled me a little. The way "time passes" so quickly just stupefies me. And the way life takes these turns you don't expect: I never thought I'd never have children. I wanted to be a mother more than I wanted anything else on Earth; I was just super picky about the fathers and then when I thought I had the "perfect mate" thing down (i.e., not  dirt-poor and not involved in organized crime), it turned out the perfect mate didn't want to be a father and so we got divorced instead and then suddenly I was out of "time." Whew. (And then I thought I had probably done my own kids the best favor of all by not having them b/c I am so fucking nuts...)

At that point, I felt overwhelmed and went back to bed.

And while I was in bed, I had this image of myself trapped in a glass tube. I could see out, I could see the world, but the expanse of my true identity was stifled b/c I was living my life in the confines of a self-made glass tube. And I thought to myself: "Imagine what I could accomplish with my life if I could just break out of this glass tube and be MORE of myself." And in my mind's eye, in my frustration, I pushed against the glass with my hands and guess what? It opened right up like a pair of glass doors. Just opened so easily, so effortlessly, just swung open and out I stepped into the wide-open expanse of everything. It was incredible. A real breakthrough; that actually it's easy; just make the decision to do it. The "ask & it is given" concept, right?

Fluffy was in the bed with me and I got very excited, and I said, "Wow, Fluffy; this is amazing. This is so exciting! This calls for a cup of coffee and some chocolate!"  And so I went and got a cup of coffee and some chocolate and brought it back to bed with me and pondered the limitless opportunity of life. And I realized that by pushing open the doors and stepping outside of those self-constructed confines, I was, in essence, giving birth to more of myself. And with more of myself, I realized then, I was going to get a lot more done. And it seemed like the time affluence concept had suddenly taken care of itself, too.

What a great morning, right, gang? I hope your morning is panning out just as sweetly. Let's make a pact to hang in here together and see where it takes us, okay? Okay! Well, thanks for visiting, gang. See ya.