THE FOURTH KING

by Emanuel Xavier

Sweet baby boy, Christ child, do not fear me

My eyes may not be the same supposedly heavenly blue of your Bethlehem gaze

but I come to pay my respects from a future yet to come.

(For the record, this is why history will forget me and label me a sorcerer.)

I bring you blood diamonds from Africa;

this fashionable tee shirt with an image of a revolutionary

who will rise to power to condemn sodomites in Cuban concentration camps;

and condoms to protect yourself from intimacy which could lead to disease.

(Never mind . . . I'll just keep these

since they will be useless to a poor carpenter who believes in abstinence.)

Sweet baby boy, Christ child, please accept the rest of these offerings

as symbolic and useful to a baby as gold, frankincense and myrrh.

(I wouldn't be insulted if your parents sell these also to finance a trip to Egypt.)

These gift items will inspire the world to celebrate your miraculous birth

with shopping sprees and songs of joy

to drown out the famine, poverty and suicide rates

and the sounds of children playing with real machine guns.

There will always be war upon these lands and waters you will learn to walk upon.

The intoxication of your blood and other cocktails will help mankind

forget the loss of loved ones and all suffering on your birthday

until the day you return to fulfill your prophecy.

I pray your angels watch over you

and guard you from pestilent drugs which will plague generations to come

with the desire of feeling closer to you.

Sweet baby boy, Christ child, bless me with your laughter.

(And if any of the other magi touches you inappropriately,

cry until they are deafened by their sins.)

Know that I adore you regardless of how you may have truly been conceived

and that this day will bring families and friends together.

I hope I get to see you again someday

as I will have many questions for you, sweet little Emanuel.

I will keep an eye out for any other astrological signs of your second coming

like natural disasters, global warming

and whatever pamphlets might be handed to me along my travels.

Until then, in memory of this day,

I will pretend there is peace on earth always and look forward to another year.